Who am I, part 2

Who am I – part 2 

Ok, so, re-discovering me. How the heck do I do that? Can someone please write to Stacy and Clinton and ask them to come do it for me? They certainly have one heck of a track record.

Here is the old me. This is what the old me would say when I ask who I am.

I’m a writer (kind of). I’m a mom (who’s struggling). I work (but my job isn’t special). I’m a wife (but kind of sucking at it). I’m no-one special.

Now I look at that, and I think “what if that was what my daughter thought of herself?” because, whether it is good or bad, she IS going to build part of her identity according to what I think of myself, for better or for worse. So no more being down on myself!

This is the identity of the new me.

I’m an author who has published an archaeology journal, as well as a fantasy fiction novel that is sold on both BarnesandNoble.com as well as Amazon.com AND is selling enough that I have covered my expenses and then some. My book is also going to be featured in a reading club of 50 teachers, has been accepted into a high school reading program where there is 1 (ONE) fantasy book selected per year by a panel of reading specialists and libraries, AND it was put into the pool to be considered for nomination for the VA Reader’s Choice Award (I will find that out next week hopefully). I will also be at an author signing this Saturday. So yes, I’m an author, a real one, and I will say that with pride.

I’m a mom and doing a pretty damn good job of it. My child is healthy, and happy, and growing and developing just like she should be. She is an extremely happy and well-adjusted toddler and I am so proud of how she is turning out to be.

I was able to have the med-free birth I always wanted (and will be proud of that. If people think that me being proud of something that was hard, was work, and yes, IT FREAKING HURT, means that I look down upon them – which I don’t – then that is their own issue and not mine), I pushed past a lot of difficulties and breastfed, and still am breastfeeding my child (and I will be proud of that too, even if other’s don’t think I should be).

I’m a full time worker who is an integral part of the education system. If it wasn’t for me, this building wouldn’t run. The computers would never get turned on, fixed, or replaced. The teachers would never be able to integrate technology into their lesson plans, and the students would not go into the world with a solid understanding of basic technology.

I’m a wife who works hard, every day, to keep her marriage afloat. I do my best to keep everyone fed, clothed, and happy. I clean my house every day and it shows (and I really want to throw a “but” in there. I will not!). I will not apologize for the fact that my house is not “showcase clean”. It is a house that is the residence to 1 dog, 1 cat, 1 chinchilla, 2 very busy adults and 1 very rambunctious toddler. It is a very well used, loved, and explored environment.

I read a wonderful quote the other day on a blog (which I cannot for the life of me remember, so if you are reading this, I’m sorry!) which says: “If you are coming to see me, then come on in. If you are coming to see my house, make an appointment”. From now, this will be my mantra. And if you do find yourself judging my house, the vacuum is in the closet, the laundry hamper in each bedroom, and the paper towels on are the kitchen counter. Knock yourself out.

The house blog

"Buyers Market" "New home owner credit" "Record foreclosures" "Perfect time to buy" "Record pricing lows on houses"

All of these phrases seem like a wonderful thing to a newlywed couple who are looking to purchase their first house and start a family. Could it be more perfect timing that an $8000 tax credit was established for first time home buyers at the exact time that we started trying to buy a house? Surely it's fate that the deadline for the credit is the exact same day that our current apartment lease is up!

I walked into the house buying adventure with stars in my eyes and my heart brimming with excitement. This was it! We had grand dreams of beautiful kitchens where we could entertain friends, a big yard for the dog to run and play, and a place to really call our own. We could finally start saving money and put our money towards something that was ours, instead of watching everything we earn go into our rent payment. This was our perfect time to get a house for our animals and start a family. Everyone told us that we would be in a new house by Christmas and soon we would be surrounded by the pitter patter of little feet.

Everyone could not have been more wrong.

We began our house hunting adventure back in March. We were mostly testing the waters as we didn't want to purchase before we were married in May. We went out a few times to see what was out there, and quite frankly, we weren't impressed. After the May 1st wedding and following honeymoon, we started house hunting in earnest.

It's now March, one year later. We are still house hunting, still living in our old apartment (now on a month to month lease for more money each month), and to say the excitement of house hunting has worn off would be a gross understatement.

I don't write this blog to depress, turn people away from home-buying, or give me a place to vent (ok maybe a little) but to share my experience with the world. This process is certainly not all butterflies and rainbows, but instead has exposed some very deep fears and worries about security, mortality, and the future.

These are the stories of a first time home buyer's experience, when everything seems to be going wrong.