I'm done with the way things are

Anyone out there? *taps glass* Oh, there’s someone :)

Here’s the deal. I’m done with the way my life is currently going. I am unhappy. Deeply unhappy. So unhappy that I actually had a dream about being a teenager again when life was good. Why is this an indicator of how unhappy I am, you ask? Because the logical part of me still remembers being a teenager and it was horrible. Yet, the brain has a way of filtering out the bad when I’m in an emotional slump and going “Oh, being a teenager was awesome! You didn’t have financial worries or have to clean a whole house or be responsible for other things staying alive and could spend your day doing whatever you wanted!” Untrue!

I am unhappy with my marriage, my lack of career, my lack of  knowing what I want in a career, and unhappy with how I constantly feel like I am failing as a mother (something my parents and husband assure me is in my mind, you moms know what I’m talking about).

I am just done.

Then, last night I had a dream. I was my current age. I was standing in the middle of a very, very dirty house that was filled with someone else’s stuff. I was alone but had a sense of people waiting for something just outside the door. First, I got rid of all the stuff, saving only select pieces that really spoke to my heart. Then, I spent months (because it was a dream, mind you, so the months were seconds) cleaning every inch of the house. Lastly, I kicked up my heels and enjoyed sitting in the house I had rescued from the muck and turned into a sanctuary. Just before the people walked in to enjoy it with me, I woke up.

I woke up in tears because I had done so much work (in my dream) and now I was awake, drowning in my life. But that’s when I realized what my brain was telling me to do.

Clean up the muck and make your life your sanctuary, and that is exactly what I am going to do.