Starting to write again

It looks like I am going to be around much more! (I can hear the eyes rolling, but this is my goal)

See, when I was younger I use to write in a diary. I wrote a lot. Some days it would just be a giant red-sharpy phrase of “LIFE SUCKS” but most days I would write pages and pages, analyzing my day, my actions, going into why I felt certain ways, what I wanted in life, etc. I had (still have) an old good old-fashioned foot trunk filled with these journals, each carefully labeled with the year. One journal is actually labeled “January 2002 – June 2002”. Yep. A regular journal sized journal that I completely filled in just 6 months. Those 6 months were packed. I got a boyfriend, got dumped by the boyfriend, got a new boyfriend, got my black belt, graduated high school, and went through some major spiritual changes during that time.

But then I stopped writing in journals. I’m not sure exactly why, mostly because I got busy, partially because I didn’t trust my roommates/boyfriend-at-the-time to not read them and distribute the information out to the world, or use it against me in an argument. I tried my hand at blogging, back when blogging was lifejournal/deadjournal or things like that (anyone else remember those? I wish I had printed them off before they de-activated my account, which I’m sure they did after a decade of non-use.

I think I also stopped writing because, once I hit a certain age, doubts and fears became all too real. If I put those doubts, fears, worries into writing, it was acknowledging they exist, and we all know that if we refuse to acknowledge something it totally makes it better , or significantly worse.

Or maybe that’s why I started writing fantasy novels. I started my first book, The Lady of Steinbrekka, during my struggles with infertility. I worked on my second novel, Heart of Kylassame (due out soon!) while I struggled being a mom and a wife and life in general. While LoS does not directly relate to what was going on in my life, HoK was therapy for me. I was able to take the hurt and betrayal and anger I felt towards life and put it into a different person’s life, a life in a different realm, and then I was able to fix it.

So now I’m going to start writing about my real life, because maybe that’s the only way I can fix it. I am probably going to be vague in places, because I do need/want to protect people, but I feel so much better after just doing 3 days of writing, that I feel like it’s a good first step.