Moving on is not failure

Well, I did it. It took me 6 years, but I finally got rid of my college notebooks and will get rid of (most) of
my textbooks this weekend.

Why is this a big deal? Well, I have a huge emotional attachment to clutter, as well as a tendency to
say “Oh, I’ll use this one day.”

But this is much more. Getting rid of these items was me finally saying, “I will let go of who I was, and
embrace who I am now.”

Except in my head that comes out as, “I wasted four years of my life getting an anthropology degree and
am now admitting that it was worthless and will never pursue that lifestyle again” followed by “Wait,
but what if I do pursue a Master’s in Anthropology? Think of all the money I will save!”

The fallacy of thought 1

Those were four of the hardest, most wonderful years of my life. I learned what it was like to live on
my own, and be placed in a lot of uncomfortable situations. I shared a room for the first time in my life,
and had to live with total strangers. I met a wide variety of people, and was put in situations I never
dreamed possible. I had to eat in a public place by myself! (Seriously, that was terrifying the first year)

I learned how to present an argument, how to speak in public without fainting, and that listening to
German Opera while hung-over was a bad idea. I pushed myself to the limit and then beyond, and
learned when to pull myself back. I learned a wealth of information that I will probably never use, but
loved learning it.

I was given the opportunity to have experiences that few people have, like excavating prehistoric
hunting ground, camps, and making obsidian blades. I was able to excavate sites at two Presidential homes
(Monticello and Mount Vernon), and co-authored and presented an archaeological report to the people
whose books I had studied in class.

I was given a safe environment where I could learn to make good decisions (like having a friend walk me
home when I worked late at night) and bad decisions (like riding a bus home alone after having a few
too many drinks).

I was able to more clearly define who I was, and who I did not want to be.

I was able to strengthen my relationship with my parents, because they were no longer there. At 18 I
thought I was “way smarter” than my parents. At 20…I only hoped I could be half as smart as them.

I also firmly believe that my education in anthropology helped shape me into the parent that I am today.
Sleep patterns, reactions to crying, breastfeeding/weaning ages and allergies were among the many
things that I studied both in local context and on a global scale. This helped to form my parenting style
and reinforce that even though that style is not mainstream America, it is normal in a global setting and
(through my studies and my 16 month experience as a parent) in an evolutionary sense.

The fallacy of thought 2

It has been 6 years since I graduated college, and don’t remember most of the basic information
relating to my field. I would definitely need to take the basic courses over again, and chances are the
information has changed greatly over that time (more if you consider I took the first course in 2002).
These books are probably 8 editions too old and I would have to re-buy everything anyway.

But you know…there may be someone out there who would want them for their library, and is just
thinking “If only someone out there had an Archaeological Theories book from 2005 they didn’t need.”

Clutterbug

It may seem like I am obsessed with clutter, and perhaps I am. You see, for me the clutter is not
just “things” but much more. I’ve always glossed over articles on organization thinking that the writer
doesn’t get me at all, doesn’t get how hard it is to “just” get rid of something.

Kick the Clutter by Ellen Philips was an eye opener for me. I felt like she was the first one who
understood that, to me, these items weren’t just things that had to be thrown away, but parts of me.

I am a clutterer for two reasons.

1) “I can fix this!” I am one of those people who always has looked at the broken toy or missing
piece as a challenge. When I was 10 my dog chewed off my Barbie’s hand. Instead of letting my
parents throw her away, I made her a wonderful bandage and just worked her wound into any
storylines.

2) “Emotional attachment”. This is where the non-emotional attachment people fail to understand.
It’s not just clutter, it has a story. The story may be as simple as “a friend who drifted away from
me gave me that and it reminds me of them” or as complex as “my great-grandmother sent me
that chicken before she died and she'll never be able to give me anything else”, but they all have ties.

Now why am I like this?

I think part of it is my past. When I was young my parents and I lived in Kuwait and were in the
US visiting relatives during the summer of 1990. When Iraq invaded and occupied Kuwait, we lost
everything. My parents had to figure out how to survive (with a 6 year old girl) on the money they had in
their wallets (because they could not access our Kuwait bank from the US) and their brains.

For a while, we lived with my grandparents while my parents tried to get jobs. It’s difficult to get a
job when you have no professional clothes, no vehicle, and no means to acquire the objects. It’s also
difficult to get an apartment when you have no money, and no job.

As an adult, just the prospect of this terrifies me, and I can’t even imagine how my parents managed to
pull it off. To literally start from scratch, with nothing but the clothes on your back…yet not be able to
get government assistance. But, they pulled it off, and a year later Kuwait was once again opened and
we went back to help rebuild.

These events placed the following thought in my head. “You can lose everything, so fast.”

As a result, I cling to “things” because I never know when they will be gone. I cling to money because I
never know when an event will happen that will cause it to disappear. In my mind, I can’t get rid of this
stupid $5 decoration that has been in a box for years, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to replace it.

But I’m trying, and I’m finally feeling like I’m making strides.

Part of it is due to my husband, who started the process by accidentally throwing away 3 trash bags of
my things when we moved. In his defense, they were in trash bags. In my defense, they were in trash
bags because I had run out of moving boxes, and the trash bags were in the back of my closet, waiting
for me to sort them as I had moved a week earlier.

We were driving somewhere when he asked me what was in the trash bags he threw out earlier,
because they felt like loads of books! My heart stopped, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I realized
what he had done. My books, my nick-knacks, my…I don’t even remember. In fact, even that day I
didn’t remember what was in those trash bags. The only thing I know that I lost (and still mourn) was my
diary, which I wrote in daily from the day I graduated high school until the day I graduated college.

It still makes me cry a bit when I think about that diary. All of my hopes, all of my dreams, all of my
sorrows were in that diary. It recorded the good times and the bad times. It had all of my crushes and
vents and not a little poetry that I wrote. My times of great depression were recorded in there, when I
thought that I was not worth the air that my lungs used to breathe, and how no one loved me.

But I still went on.

FlyLady also helped. Her thought is “If you don’t love it, or need it, give it to someone who will”
(paraphrasing there). That mindset has helped me, so so much. Maybe I could use the extra knife set
one day (that I bought 8 years from Wal-Mart for $10 but hey , it still works) but somewhere out there is
a single mom or just-on-their-own adult who NEEDS it.

And now…the baby stuff. The onesies and the dresses that not only hit me on the “omg my Kaylee wore
this when she was just a newborn and so tiny and precious” side but also the “one day I might have
another baby who can wear these” side.

So I told myself, you get to keep 1 large plastic bin for “one day” and that’s it. Realistically, we are a one-
and-done household. A lot of things would have to align in order for me to have a second kid, but that is
another post.

I then sent a box of clothes to a good friend who had a baby girl, because it helped to send it to
someone I knew would use and appreciate the items.

I then sent 3 boxes of clothes and baby items to our local Abbacare center. They provide food, shelter,
counseling, and a whole host of other good things to women in my city who are all alone and pregnant/
have infants.

I received so much help with Kaylee, that I could not imagine doing it on my own, with no income, and
no support system. Maybe someday I could use the receiving blankets again, and sure saving $10 would
be nice, but these women NEED them now, and don’t have the $10 to spend.

Now, all of this actually is a set up story for the next post, “Letting go of the past is not failure”

House counseling?

The house honeymoon is over

Well, the house honeymoon has been over for about a year now, when I really think about it. I realized this the other day as I kept procrastinating taking Kaylee home one night from my parent’s house. I procrastinated so long that she ended up having a total melt-down of exhaustion.

I figured I was just lonely. Scott works late/long hours and I’m tired, so I like having help from the parents and being able to take one mental step back from being super vigilant. But then I had another day where I left my parent’s house early, and in great spirits. Kaylee and I sang the whole way home, and I was in a great mood.

Until I opened the house door. I think that was when I realized that I am no longer in love with my house. But it’s not my house’s fault, it’s what is in the house. Not only has my house descending into CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Sydrome), but it’s become to the point where I don’t want to be there.

Here’s what happens in the first 15 minutes of getting home…

Get out of the car, hear dog barking (sigh, I’m so sick of the dog barking).

Get Kaylee out of the car seat and walk inside with her on my hip.

Open the door, get the lovely whiff of dog pee and poop because the dog has, again, peed or pooped all over the place. As a result of the last year of this she is now confined to the laundry room, so while the mess is contained, the smell is just amplified by the smaller quarters.

Let the dog out of her room, curse as she barrels into me and throws out my knee. She then stops in the doorjam and just stands there.

The cat has heard the door open, so I am now left trying to keep the cat from running outside, while holding the kid, while trying to push the dog out of the door.

Finally the dog is out, the cat is in, and the kid is still with me (now I can put her down at least, and she will normally hang out in the garage playing with some toys we have set up for her in there).

The dog tries to attack another dog/running/shadow that has come within 100 yards of our house. I grab her and get her back inside.

The cat makes another attempt to run outside as the dog decides that doorways are scary, and refuses to walk through it.

Okay. Now we’re all inside the house. I put Kaylee down in her safe room so that I can clean up the pee/poop and feed the dog. She throws a huge tantrum because I’ve been at work all day and she wants mom time.

Finally, the crap has been cleaned, the animals fed, and I am able to have some kid time.

But after the 15 minutes of craziness, I don’t even want to be in my house. I don’t want to have to look at the stuff I need to clean, or the laundry that needs to get done, or the dinner that needs to be cooked. I’m tired from working all day, tired from the long commute, and tired of feeling like I’m doing all I can but getting nowhere. Add to it that I now have a headache from dealing with the last 15 minutes, and knowing that I will have to do it the next day, and the next, and the next.

So my answer is to just avoid my house. Because that totally solves the problem…

Cleaning program,,,take 2

The New Cleaning Program

Today is the start of my new cleaning program. Yes, I attempted a new cleaning program over the summer and it didn’t work so well. Yes, I will wait for the laughter to subside before I continue.

…

…

…

Okay then. My summer cleaning program, while good intentioned and well planned, did not happen. Yes most of the activities I had planned would only take 15-30 minutes to do each day, but what I had not taken into account was that it would be 15-30 minutes tacked onto my already full day. Maybe prior to having a kid, I could have gotten it done. Maybe prior to having a dog who pees inside all the ever-loving time and requires carpet steam cleaning before the kid splashed through it like a splash pad, I could have gotten it done. Maybe if I was getting more than 3 hours of sleep in a row, it would have gotten done.

Maybe if I stopped making excuses….nah.

Regardless of why it didn't get done, it didn’t. One of the big points of Flylady’s system (yes, I am a flybaby, I’ve just been fluttering a bit lately instead of flying) is to find what works for you.

 (You haven’t heard of FlyLady? Go check it out at Flylady.com)

So I’m trying something else, because my old system is not working. Be it out of lack of time, lack of energy, or sheer laziness, it’s not working. My new system will be…keeping 3 rooms clean in my house at all times, and then slowly tackling the other rooms.

These three rooms will be: Kaylee’s bedroom, my bathroom, and the laundry room. Why these three rooms? Because they are small rooms that can be easily maintained, yet get very messy very quickly.

While we are still bed-sharing with Bug, she loves to go through her closet and take out clothes, or throw her stuffed animals around the room, or her blankets. Her changing table was quickly turned into a catch-all surface for random stuff (oh, there’s my bag of zip-ties!) ever since she started rolling and decided that diaper changing should be an Olympic sport. At the end of the night her floor is covered with toys, blankets, etc. and since she hasn’t learned how to pick-up yet (but we’re working on it), that leaves it to me.

My bathroom also falls victim to Hurricane Kaylee, combined with Tropical Storm Kristi. Every Sunday I hang my clothes for the week on my towel rods so that I don’t need to go into the closet and risk waking up the sleeping people in the room. This would not be so bad, if it weren’t for the 10 empty hangers from the week before, or the already worn clothes that just end up piled on the floor. Most of this is laziness, as the laundry hamper is just outside the door to my bathroom. I just need to suck it up and put it away when I’m done.

Hurricane Kaylee comes into play in the mornings. Most mornings she will wake up between 6:15 and 6:30, aka, the time when Mom is getting ready. If Scott tries to keep her in bed she will scream bloody murder, so usually after 2 minutes I hear a little knock at the door and in she comes. She will be content with brushing her teeth or playing with my (in-activated) phone for about 5 minutes, and then starts to unroll the toilet paper, or play with the trash can, or start removing all the items from under the sink. (And before you say it, she has a small container of toys and books under the sink, but we all know those are NOT interesting compared to things like, oh, mommy’s extra –and still sealed – contact solution bottle). In the last week she has grown tall enough to reach 99% of the counter top in the bathroom, which makes things even more challenging.

The room is just big enough to hold the sink, toilet, and shower, so this results in the room being nigh unusable very quickly. I keep telling myself that it should also work in reverse, so that is my goal. Easy to mess, easy to clean (just like weight, easy on easy off, no? Ah well)

The third room is the laundry room. Truth be told, this room is still looking pretty good from my summer make-over. The problem now is the dog. See, while I do like her on most days, I don’t like steam cleaning the carpet every-single-day, or sometimes multiple times per day. The vet said she’s not sick, she just can’t hold her bladder very long these days. So, now while we are at work, she has been relocated to the laundry room. This way I just have to throw away pee pads and do a quick mop, vs running the steam cleaner. But, this also means that my budding romance with my laundry room has gone back to a “ugh, you again” type of relationship. It smells like dog pee, regularly has pee on the floor for me to deal with, and gone are the days of having Kaylee in there with me while I fold the laundry.

My hope is that after a few weeks of keeping these three rooms clean, it will become habit to me to keep these rooms clean and I can start adding in other rooms as I progress. Here’s hoping!

Gluten Baby

Gluten Baby

                Why do I insist on torturing myself by eating gluten? At the end of the summer I was so happy with my weight. For the first time in 10 years I was under 150 pounds, which was an incredible feeling. I had a lean tummy, and thin legs, and my arms were pretty dang good after carrying around the kiddo all day. 

 When I went back to work all I heard was “Omg, you are so thin!” or “Wow, do you really have a 1 year old?” and it was so uplifting. And yet, now the pounds are back, and I feel squishy, and I don’t like my body, once again. 

What is the difference? A month long return to gluten.

Now, to be fair, there is another culprit. During the summer I took a lot of long walks with the Bug, and now that she is fully competent at walking she does it herself, which results in a 30 minute walk covering ½ mile of ground instead of several miles.

But really, it’s the gluten. You see, my husband was diagnosed with diabetes at the end of the summer, and as a result we filled out house with snacks for him. Granola bars, crackers, and breads suddenly invaded our pantries, foods that had been abolished back in the days when I couldn’t get pregnant, and decided to go gluten-free. And when I went back to work I was STARVING all the time, so the granola bars, crackers, etc. made their way into my lunch box (which is why they were exiled from the house to begin with!). Within a month I was squishy, and now look like I’m pregnant again. (Okay, that’s not quite fair. Here is what I looked like at 12 weeks pregnant, which is where I feel I am now. 

Most people would still call me skinny, or just say that I have the classic “mummy tummy”)

I can definitely feel the difference though, and that’s why I’m getting back on the feel-good train and away from the convenience factor that gluten gives me. It’s not only the gluten belly, but how I feel. I feel horrible when I eat gluten. It’s like a heavy ball is just sitting in my stomach and I feel sluggish. I have more frequent headaches and I’m a lot crankier (because who wouldn’t be cranky when their stomach always hurts and they have headaches). My entire body hurts and feels tense.

It’s time to put down the cupcake, granola bar, and sandwich bread. I must once again live by the mantra “The 5 minute pleasure from eating this, is not worth the weeks of pain that it will cause”

Why hello, diabetes

Well, not me, but my husband has diabetes.

We learned this about a week and a half ago. He has been experiencing some pretty serious fatigue in the past few months (sleeping 18 hours a day) and then started experiencing some pretty serious dry mouth symptoms. After a week of dry mouth, and peeing every hour from having to constantly drink to have enough wetness in his mouth to not go insane, he agreed to go to the doctor. Here is how it went

Doctor: You are stressed out and this is all in your head.
Us : Well, he's not really stressed right now. Are you sure there is nothing wrong or anything you can give him?
Doctor : No, it's just stress and there is nothing I can give. Well, here, take some anti-anxiety medication to help. It will go away on it's own.
Us : Will you at least run some bloodwork to test for thyroid or diabetes or if his hormones are off?
Doctor : Fine, but I'm 100% sure they will come back fine, because it's just stress.

30 minutes later we get a call from the doctor, telling us to come back in immediately. The blood test came back that Scott had a blood sugar of 650 and he needed to retest. Scott retested using a hand-held monitor and got a reading of 550.

Now for those who aren't in the know, a normal sugar reading is around 80 - 140. The doctor actually said that Scott would have gone into a diabetic coma if we had waited another few days. He was given an immediate shot of insulin and away we went. (You know, because it's just stress, and all in his head. Safe to say, we switched doctors)

It has now been about a week and a half, and he is doing much better. He is on 40 units of Lantis per day (a long lasting insulin) as well as taking about 4 units of Humalog (a fast acting insulin) with meals. It was a rough first few days, but now his sugars range from 80-150 and he is feeling a ton better.

Cleaning tips that work for me

Well, the great summer cleaning experiment has come to a close. I do feel like I made a ton of progress. The office is much better now and is actually usable and organized. The laundry room has been clean and efficient

ever since that first cleaning, and the house has been fairly clutter free. Here are some tips that worked for me.

1) Split up chores. I know, I know, this is not rocket science, but it was hard. My husband works insane hours and I always felt guilty asking him to do things, or would get frustrated when he would wait hours (or days) to do it.

So, I gave him one thing to do. I have grown to DETEST our kitchen. Between breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner I am always cooking or cleaning in there, and it is driving me absolutely up the wall. Now my H is in charge of the kitchen and it is wonderful. I don't even mind cooking or cleaning now because he will do it 99% of the time, and waking up to a clean kitchen  really is a wonderful, wonderful thing

2) Split up the laundry. I don't mind doing the laundry, but the clothes never seem to make it into the drawers/closets. I started being really strict with myself about doing laundry every other day, and that helped immensely. It takes me a whole 5 minutes to put clothes away with that system, and I can easily do that while  Bug is playing in her room.
    I also bought more laundry baskets (for $2 a piece at Wal-Mart). Now there is a laundry basket in our room, in the bathroom (clothes go straight into it during bathtime), in the dining room (bibs galore), and in Bug's playroom. I also now have 3 plastic laundry baskets for clean laundry (at $4 a piece). One for Bug's clothes, one for our clothes, and one for towels/sheets. Another time saver as I can just drop the correct basket in each room and work on it when I am in that room.

3) Make lists, even with repetitive chores. Again, sounds stupid, but helps. Some days it makes me feel overwhelmed (how on earth did I do all of this today? and I'm going to do it again tomorrow?!) and some days it makes me feel awesome (Wow, look at all I did today!)

4) Have shopping lists on your fridge. I actually have 4. A Target list, Costco list, Martin's (grocery) list, and Other. This way when I'm running errands I don't forget something while I'm out, and write things down as I need them.

I finished the cleaning project!

I did it!

My house is now catalogue ready. I have donated every item that is not needed or loved, every surface is clean of clutter, and laundry is always done.

Ok, maybe not so much. In fact, that toy I just tripped over suggests otherwise. I have learned some things during this process though.

1) Life is not clean. It just isn't. I have my plan for the week and sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Cleaning with a child in the house is also a bit like trying to lose weight by eating. It doesn't work so well.

2) Life happens. Yep. Life did not stop for cleaning. This summer my child turned 1, my marriage was stressed, and now I'm dealing with a close family member/friend/mystery-person-for-now who has just been diagnosed with a fairly serious disease. In light of everything else that has happened, having some dust or clutter is A-ok in my book.

That being said, I have made progress! (and will update with pics later)

This summer I have:

- cleaned out and organized my downstairs closet
-cleaned out and organized our garage
- cleaned out and organize our office
- cleaned my closet (and kept clean)
- cleaned my laundry room (and kept clean)
- donated 5 boxes of baby clothes to a local women's shelter
- donated an Acura full of bigger baby items to mentioned shelter
- donated 6 boxes of other random stuff to the local hospice thrift store

I also did something else pretty exciting.

I published a book!

Yep. I'm still so excited and it still feels so surreal. I also had my first interview with author, Kristina Circelli which you can read if you visit her blog
My interview with Kristina Circelli

Where did I go?

Omg have I been busy! Here are some highlights of the past few weeks. 

My baby is 1! We had a blast at her party and did her first professional photoshoot. She refused to smile for the camera but we got some adorable serious shots, as well as some goofy moments. Her party was an incredible time and toddler invasion. All told we had 18 adults, a 6 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old, two 15 month olds, Kaylee, and a 7 month old. Yeep! 

 

 

I've also been having fun making photo collages of me. Such as this one. Me on July 29th, 2011 and me July 19th, 2012. 

 

I've also been cleaning like mad, although I still can't really see the results. What I can see is the clutter slowly going away as I've been donating items like a crazy lady. 

Cleaning week 3

I'm back on track and having a much more productive time. I've been doing little things that make big changes, like hanging up my measuring tools. 

It seems silly but having the space right there encourages me to clean them immediately and put them away. 

I also totally re-did out lower entry way space with some stackables we had other places in the house.





The top has a loose change jar. We (Me, Scott, Kaylee) each have a basket to toss our stuff as we come inside. Name tags, wallets, pacifiers, etc. It has made a huge difference. I am moving a key hanger over there soon. as well

Back in the laundry room a moment, where I bought a hanger from Wal-Mart for the ironing stuff so it has a home.




I hung up some pictures in Bug's playroom. Now I can stop tripping over them all the time.




Here's what the kiddo was doing while I did all of this.





At least she has figured out how to get down by herself...most of the time.

I also spent more time in the office.



And after she hit the doorframe so hard she dented hher head and freaked me out (she's fine now) I nailed a pillow to the door frame.

Week 2

Well, this week has not been a good week for me. I have re-written this post in my head about 15 times so I'm just going to word vomit and hope it comes out somewhat understandable. 

I'm discouraged. Really discouraged. After the first week I was running high. I changed the whole laundry room. I hauled a changing table around our house (including stairs). I painted a room by myself. I reorganized Kaylee's clothes and put everything in the closet. What reaction did I get from my husband? 

"Let's see how long this lasts"...*crickets chirping*....wtf dude? So my motivation took a huge nose-dive and I can't seem to get it back. I know that I need to do this for myself and for my daughter, but when I can't even get a "good job" from my husband it is hard. 

Add to this that Kaylee is cutting her top teeth and it is TORTURE for both of us. She was never the best sleeper, but we are on night 4 of waking up every 1-2 hours and I am dying. I am so tired that it also amplifies every other emotion I have. 

Like how I'm so sick of cleaning. It never ends, ever, ever ever. No matter how much I clean the kitchen it just gets dirty again. There is always laundry, toys to pick up, hair to vacuum, beds to make, etc. etc. Now the logical part of me knows that yes, this is life, so suck it up buttercup, but the "I'm so tired I can't think straight" part of me just wants to have a 4 hour period where the laundry is done, the kitchen is clean, everything is fed, and there is nothing I HAVE to do. 

Now...time to focus on the positives, and share the pictures I have taken (doh, camera battery died, will update that in a little bit). 

1) Omg my baby turns 1 this month! She is walking about 75% of the time when she wants to get around, waving byebye, and blowing kisses. She can climb anything put in front of her and, thank goodness, is starting to figure out how to get down from things as well. 

 

She also loves swimming and starts official swim lessons next week! 

 

She does not like when I clean 

 

But she likes to pick out her own clothes now that they are in her closet 

 

2) The laundry room is still clean! 

 

3) Did you know my closet has a floor? It's true. It's not necessarily organized, but it's better. 

 

4) Ditto office. Not great, definitely not where I want it to be, but better. Any progress is progress and it will get done eventually. 

Week 1 - part 2

Ta da! 

I removed the bookcase and am going to hang up the poster (it's been sitting behind the china cabinet forever). My dad is working to build me a three story laundry bin, which will then be labeled "Mom" "Dad" "Bug" and the clean laundry will get sorted into the bins. I will take care of mine and Bugs and my husband gets to put his own laundry away (woot). 

 

I cleaned off the drying rack and restacked the shoes (oh, and painted! It's so nice and cheery in there now) 

 

Cleaned up the bathroom side (with new painted wall. FYI painting around toilets sucks) 

 

And the laundry side. I bought the colored containers at Wal-Mart for $3. Blue has our Tide ColdWater solution and green has the Free and Clear I use for Bug's cloth diapers. They just look so much nicer than the bottles themselves and I can clearly see when they are running out. Not like those pesky bottles where I think it's running out, then buy a replacement bottle, then go for another 6 months. 

 

 

Cleaning Week 1 - part 1

I haven't had a chance to take pictures yet but here are my reflection on week 1. 

I still hate cleaning. Yup, no ifs and or buts about it. But I love the results. It's kind of like working out. 

It will take you 5x longer to do any job when your infant helps you to do it. Seriously. How does it take me 3 hours to do laundry? That little cutie pie would be why. 

I'm going to take a chapter out of gypsy life, as taught to me by the TLC show "My Big American Gypsy Wedding". I have to clean, that's it, so I'm going to stop bitching and just do it. I will take pride in my home and will accept that for the next 10 weeks my job is to care for my child and my house. (This will change at the end of the summer when, hopefully, my husband will be at a better store and able to help me once again) 

I have way too much stuff. I have 6 diaper boxes filled with clothes to get rid of (and 2 of clothes I'm keeping "in case") and cannot part with them. I'm looking at local women's shelters to see if they need them. Our local freecycle chapter just doesn't sit right with me, and I want the clothes to go to someone who truly needs them. 

I can't do things halfway. I decided to do the office this week. So I wanted a bookcase in the office. The laundry room has a bookcase. I moved the bookcase to the office. Well then my laundry room was destroyed, and I needed to clean it, so I decided to do the laundry room. Yeah. I don't even recognize it lol. Pics coming as soon as I can! Hopefully by the end of the day

The 70 days of cleaning have begun! I am going to post pics of my house in its current, not-so-clean state and then update as I go. Hopefully at the end of summer my after pics will be drastically different. Some of the less messy rooms will just get their own posts later on. 


My closet, aka, all homeless stuff goes in here. 
 



My laundry room This is the big project as I hate my laundry room but have to spend a ton of time in there. 
 

 

 

The office/ homeless stuff too big for my closet/ non-baby safe items room (note: there is a baby gate in place so she cannot access this room)

 

 

My little cheeseball. I can't believe she will be 1 next month! 

Summer is so close...

Summer is so close I can almost taste it! Just 7 more work days stand between me and getting to spend my days with Kaylee. It also means no more waking up at 5:30 so I can pump before work. Oh, and it means no more pumping! Woohoo! I survived the school year and managed to pump and keep my baby on breastmilk!
So what am I going to do this summer?
1) Swim lessons for Bug. I'm excited about the prospect to meet new mom friends, but also terrified. I get very anxious in social situations when I don't know people and so starting new classes is deathly terrifying. Add to this the fact I will have to be in a bathing suit, and we have instant panic. But I will do it.
2) Project "Clean the house". Yes, our house looks like it has an infant in it. My hope is that I can go through the house, room by room, and finish all of the projects that are half started. I will purge our crap/clutter/unneeded stress in the process and make our house wonderful. I fully plan on this taking the entire summer to achieve.
My thought is that I will make a post with the room of the week, and include a picture of that room as it currently is, no matter how messy. Then at the end of the week I will post a follow up picture. The thought/hope is that the second picture will be much better than the first. I'm also hoping that seeing my house/rooms through the eyes of the camera will inspire me to try just a tad harder at being neat and tidy.
Kaylee has grown so much, it is incredible. She is now 10 1/2 months old and a little animated mini toddler. She has perfected speed crawling, standing, cruising, and grabbing anything that her little hands should not grab.

1 week of home cooked meals!

I have successfully completed week 1 of home cooked meals! This is a pretty big deal for me because, as I've written before, I hate cooking. Here's my week (note, I have no clue of measurements for this stuff. I have them all written down but not at my computer)

Monday - Stroganoff with parmesan meatballs (YUM)
Brown beef in skillet along with chopped onion and some garlic(throw pasta into pots. I like egg noodles, but they are not gluten free); add 1 can cream of mushroom (or mushroom soup. Progresso has a gluten free variety, score!); remove from heat, add sour cream until nice and creamy

Tuesday - Spanish Rice (ground beef, tomato sauce, worchestershire sauce, onion, garlic, rice)

Wed - Cilantro chicken with an avocado salsa and a side of brown sugar sweet potatoes
Mix a good bit of cilantro with the juice of 1 lime to use as chicken marinade; cook chicken in pan; dice avocado and tomato and toss with lime juice; put salsa on top of chicken; eat.
Chop peeled sweet potatoes into bite sized pieces. Add 3/4 C water to pan and 1/2 C brown sugar; bring to boil; turn down heat and simmer until tender

Thu - Tacos (with avocado added. I'm trying to get baby Bug to eat avocado which means I have to eat avocado. It's growing on me. OH and I used lettuce from my garden. Yay!)

Fri - something at mom's house. Whatever. It still counts!

Vroom vroom!

What is the best toy ever? An empty Pampers box of course! This was Kaylee's latest touch of genius :) She crawled (OMG) over to the Pampers box, then flipped it sideways and chilled out in her cave for a few minutes, then flipped it back. I had to help her in and then she started giggling and squealing in excitement. We added her ladybug pillow pet (it's a pillow, it's a pet, it's a pillow pet -mini) and off we go! With Scott and I making the appropriate car noises we took a full tour of the living room and playroom with a happy little girl smiling the whole way.

Then she saw the playstation controller, and it came around with us, because the playstation controller is awesome.

I'm still in shock that my little baby is crawling already, and deciding what she wants to play with. She will regularly crawl to a specific toy, or pull a specific book out and turn the pages herself to look at the pictures.

I'm not ready for her to grow up!!!

Yum potatoes!

Last night was a good combination dinner night. We had some awesome GF battered fish the night before thanks to my husband, and had a few filets left over. While Kaylee was down for a nap I was able to quarter an acorn squash and cook it (400 degrees for 40 min with 1" water in the pan) and also popped 2 baking potatoes into the oven.

Once they were done I pulled out the squash and added some brown sugar, then set to making my potatoes even yummier.

First I cut each potato in half. Then scooped out the flesh from the middle and put it into a small bowl. I mashed that up and added about 1 tbs of sour cream, some chopped bacon, chopped green onion, and a little bit of cheddar cheese. Mix well and put back into potato, then back into the oven for 15 minutes. Yum!

The big girl car seat

Goodbye faithful infant bucket. I will miss you. You were a wonderful companion for the first 6 months of Kaylee's life. Oh so convenient, especially when moving a sleeping baby from car to stroller, car to living room, or any combination imaginable.

I definitely am glad we went with the infant seat though, even if it meant we had to cough up more money in the beginning. With it we were able to take Kaylee everywhere! Shopping, restaurants, grandparents' house, etc. She would often fight naps unless we went to Target or Costco, at which point she would promptly fall asleep. Many a house cleaning was done while she was passed out in that bucket (in the house of course).

But, she had to outgrow it sometime and we recently made the switch to a Graco MyRide 65. We love it so far. The buckles adjust in the same manner as the Graco Snugride 30 so it was a breeze to adjust and install into the car. K seems much happier in the seat as well and loves to sprawl out her arms and legs and stretch. While I originally mocked the dual cupholders (really? Cupholders?) they are actually great for holding paci's or toys (soft) for the ride.

Here's my little angel, fast asleep on her first trip in her big girl car seat.

Yummy dinner 1

Well, I'm thinking my husband is not a fan of this dinner, but I loved it and will be eating it frequently. I found the recipe online and now cannot find it for the life of me, so I will write down what I did and link it to the originator as soon as I can find it again.

Mozzarella, tomato and avocado pasta

1/2 package Ancient Harvest Quinoa Pasta - garden pagoda
1 avocado - diced
1 tbs chopped garlic
1/2 C EVOO
2 tbs dried basil
1/2 lime - juiced
8oz mozzarella - cubed
6 vine riped tomatoes - cut to bite size
dash of salt and pepper
2 chicken breasts - diced

Boil water, add pasta
Add oil to pan, cook chicken
In a large bowl - combing evoo, basil, lime juice, salt and pepper and stir to combine. Then add mozzarella, tomatos and avocado and gently stir into evoo/lime.
Let ^ sit for about 30 minutes or until achieves room temp.

Put pasta on plate, put chicken on pasta, pour mixture on top. Nom!

Random note - I love using Ancient Harvest Garden Pagoda for room temp/cold pasta dishes. It is gluten free and the pasta holds its shape very well, even with multiple reheatings. I like to use the tri-colored because it gives a nice bit of color to pasta dishes.

Enough of a pity party

Alright, I've given myself a few weeks of hemming and hawing and "poor me"ing and decided I was done. Granted my husband hasn't moved stores yet, so it may return, but I now have a plan!

The reality of the situation is just this - My husband will be out of the house from 6am until 7 or 8pm. This means I am in charge of the baby from 6am (when I will figure out someway to entertain her while I pump/get ready for work if she wakes up) until 8pm (when she goes to bed). This means I now have to take care of making dinner, giving her baths, and taking care of the animals. While this sucks and I still feel my heart race and my head goes "And just how exactly do you plan on doing all of this?", that's just the way it is.

Here is what is going to get me through this without needing a padded room (although that could be quite fun)

1) Infancy will not last forever. Soon enough Kaylee will wean herself (5 monthish until she's 1 year old!) and then mornings will not be bad. I may even be able to cut down to a 15 minute pump session instead of 30 or maybe drop it altogether, we'll see.

2) My job will be over in 15 weeks. Well, hopefully not over, but I will be out of work for the summer. Scott being at a far away store is fine if I am able to be at home, because I will then have from 8am (Kaylee's official wake-up time) until 10pm (when I go to bed) to get everything done, instead of 6pm -10pm (when I get home from work - go to bed).

3) I can cook dinner. Really, I can. The difference is I am a cook, whereas my husband is a chef. But you know, every meal doesn't have to be fancy. We may be eating chicken and rice some nights, or some old fashioned mac and cheese, but that's still dinner.

4) Prepping dinner on the weekend. This is going to be my saving grace. I tried it this weekend and it lowered my stress level by 50%, even though Kaylee and I are fighting a cold. I chopped everything that needed to be chopped for my planned meals and put them in tupperware containers, then stacked the containers into meal groups. Sooo much easier.

5) I will ask for help and not consider it failure. Yes, I am one of "those" moms. For me, asking for help equates to me saying "Hi, I suck and can't do this, so could you please do this for me?" Now I know in my head that me asking my husband to change K's diaper in the morning while I pack the car is not me failing, but that little voice still tells me that it is. I just need to get over that and say "Hey honey, can you do this."

Just add on another weight why don't you!

I will start this post with a small disclaimer.

Yes, I am aware that my life is very blessed. Yes I am aware that people have harder situations than mine and go through them without a fuss. Yes I am forever and eternally grateful I have an incredible daughter who causes me to be sleep deprived making all things 100x more dramatic.

Now just let me whine a bit k?

I'm stressed right now. Like, really stressed. Like,- my dentist asked me if I grind my teeth because I'm having some nerve sensitivity issues and that's the most common culprit- stressed.I work 40 hours a week, commute for a total of 10 hours a week (aka 1 hour each way, not including when I get stuck in traffic), take care of the baby, take care of the dog, take care of the cat, take care of the chinchilla, take care of the house, do laundry, clean, do our finances, do more laundry, vacuum, clean bottles, do more laundry, you get the gist. My usual day starts at 5am and doesn't end until I collapse into bed at 10:30pm. Then we have 2 night feedings, normally around 1am and 4am. Why on earth am I tired/stressed?

Here is my schedule, because I am a masochist and want to torture myself by looking at how insane it is. We'll start with my official start time of the day.

5am: Alarm goes off, hit snooze
5:15am: Wake up for real, trip over dog on the way to the bathroom
5:30 - 6:15 am : (no I don't spend 15 minutes in there actively peeing, but it's amazing how comfy the toilet is when you are half asleep) Go into the nursery and pump, silently thinking "sleep baby, please stay asleep, please stay asleep" the whole time
6:15-6:30 am : Prepare milk in bottles for transfer to daycare or for Scott (if he's closing) and throw ice pack in pump cooler.
6:30- 6:45 : Throw ice pack into already packed lunch, throw lunch bag into giant purse for work and put bags in the car
6:45- 6:50 : get ready for work with already layed out clothes, throw on makeup, put hair in pony tail
6:50 -7 : Take out dog, feed dog, feed cat. Wake up kid, change diaper, put her into car to go to daycare
7:03 : Get to day care. I feel like I've put in a full day already
7: 15 -8:30 Commute to work. Weeee I love traffic, oh wait, no I don't. Why are all these people on the road? Don't they have sick days they need to use?
4:00pm - 5:15pm : Commute home from work. See above
5:15-5:30 : Talk with dcp (aka my mom) about Kaylee. Drive home, deal with dog
5:30- 6:0: Nurse Kaylee, she falls asleep and I do some finances on my computer
6:00 : Kaylee is up. Half the time I now get to eat dinner that husband cooked. Sometimes I eat chips for dinner if he's not home yet. Try to squeeze in a load of laundry.
7:30 - 8:30 : Clean bottles/pump pieces from the day. Pack pump bag. Pack lunch. Lay out clothes for next day. Attempt to clean kitchen. All while entertaining the kiddo. Sometimes we squeeze in a bath for her (ok, she's not that dirty I promise)
8:30-9:30 : bedtime routine for Kaylee. Read, nurse, sing, etc.
9:30-10 : pump while catching up on Facebook
10:10 - wash pump parts for AM, place pump bag in nursery. Feed chinchilla, take out dog, feed cat. Pass out


But it's ok, because at least I rarely have to worry about dinner, and my husband is able to help me out with stuff around the house. If Kaylee wakes up while I'm pumping he can give her a bottle and keep her entertained. I'm only late to work 80% of the time. We are surviving. Nevermind that many a time when I am enjoying my precious and rare me time in the shower it's not necessarily water running down my face and I feel like curling up in the fetal position, but we're surviving.

And now you're telling me that my husband has to transfer locations, and now he has an hour commute each way instead of 20 minutes? And I'm going to be on my own from 6am until 8pm most of my work days?

@$Y&&#^%$#@%#$@$%!!!